It's been a busy last few months. I've been feeling kind of down and needed some time to just be with myself. I've been working a lot, but all of the work feels like money work and not passion work. I'm drained. 

It's finally my favorite time of year. November and December are filled with birthdays and holidays and Snow Queen performances and although it's helping to boost my spirits a bit, it still feels different this year. I feel like the weight of adulting is hitting me hard. I feel trapped and slow, like i'm running through waist-deep water. 

I have been thinking a lot about what has changed and what is missing from my life right now. Although I am making more money, and that reduces a lot of stress, I am not making time for myself to do what I love. I keep skipping yoga. I've only been for a bike ride once. 

I need to make a change and get my flow back. I need to prioritize my freedom and my creativity. Here's what is important to me and what I will focus on going forward. These are my new year resolutions, but I'm starting them now. There's no reason to wait until the new year. 


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1. Read more.

A few years ago I made it my goal to read a book a month and it was I want to do that again. I've been reading the same book since August, and I have decided I will finish it this month and get back on track with reading. 


2. More yoga.

I am buying a class pass for my fav yoga studios and the goal is to go twice a week. I want to be stronger. I want to be calmer. Yoga FTW.

3. Cook more.

I really enjoy cooking. I like that when I'm cooking it's hard to multitask. I am focused and it slows me down. I have a whole Pinterest board of recipes I want to try, and I just got the Oh She Glows! Cookbook, so my goal is to make a new recipe every week. I don't cook at home very often, so once a week for a new recipe is a good goal for me. 


4. More walks.

I read this article one time about how we focus so much of our social time on eating, but we should go for more walks. I like that. As a dance therapist, I know that movement directly affects your brain. Walking gets your brain moving and increases communication skills, patience, creativity, and is just generally good for keeping your brain alive. 


I want to end this little ditty with the things I already do that I want to continue. The things that excite me and keep me flowing. 

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1. Drink tea.

I love tea. I love collecting different kinds. I love creating a perfect brew. More tea. Always.

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2. Travel

I have been lucky to travel quite a bit in the last six months. I've never been one to take trips, but lately I've had a good mix of business and pleasure travel and I really want to keep it up. My adventurous, Sagittarius spirit needs it.


3. Dance

I've been able to perform a lot and create a lot. I need to keep it up. Dance is my first love and I sometimes take it for granted. 


What are your goals? What do you want to add or subtract?

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Mindfulness Challenge: Mercury Retrograde, Adulting, and You.

Mercury Retrograde hit me hard this time. Like, real hard. However, coming out of retrograde has hit me just as hard... in a good way. 

For those of you who don't follow the astrological phases, click HERE for some more info about how the moon and planets affect us. In short, Mercury is the planet that is connected to communications, and retrograde is a time when communications break down. It is a bad time to make major decisions because of this communication break-down. During this recent Mercury retrograde, I lost two potential contracts for jobs, contracted whooping cough and a larygospasm to go with it (ummm, blocked throat chakra??) , and had an identity theft scare. 

Since the end of retrograde, I have gained the two contracts back, turns out it was just a miscommunication among vendors and they actually DO want me, and I solved the identity theft issue. Unfortunately, this damn cough is still sticking around, but I'm slowly getting better. 


Most importantly, since the planetary shift, I have rediscovered direction in my career. I have always known what I want to do in my life, but I've struggled to make it happen. Partially because it is not a career that I can just step into, it's something I have to create for myself and my community. 

I'm definitely not the first person to DIY my career. In fact, according to a lot of research on millennial trends, it's rather common for my generation. For some reason, however, I struggle to find the confidence and courage to make it happen. I play it safe and find myself saying "I'll start tomorrow," a little too often.  

It is this negative way of thinking that keeps me stuck in the realm of almost-adulting. 

I can't be the only person to fall into this mind-trap. It's so easy to look at other people and say, "They are better than me."

I propose a challenge: For the next month, I challenge you to live by the "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better" Philosophy. Every time you catch yourself envying another's successes, recognize that there is an opportunity for growth. If they did it, who's to say you can't do it too? Even better, you can now look at their design model and improve upon it. How could you tweak what someone else did to make it a better fit for you? 


In my life, I've always been ahead of the game; always the youngest one at the table, always the one to cause looks of shock when I say my age. For so long I remember really valuing my young age because it made my accomplishments look even more impressive. I was impressive because I was comparing myself to others. I didn't find my value from within, always compared to others. Now, at 25, I am getting to the level where my age isn't working for me. I can no longer impress people by saying I'm dancing professionally or I run my own performing company. A lot of 25 year-olds do that and more. It's time for me to stop looking at those comparisons. It's time for me to stop feeling down about what I am not doing, and instead use it as fuel to do more. We can always do more. Even when we think we can't possibly do anything else, there's always more. That's not to say you shouldn't be happy with where you are, I think that it's important to honor your personal journey, but within that journey there is always more if you allow for it. Don't do more because somebody else has more. Do more because you have more. You have potential for more. I have potential for more. Always. More what? Anything. Be true to yourself and your own personal journey, and the "more" is limitless. 

It will be a long road to full-on adulting, and maybe we will never truly feel like accomplished, real adults, but I am finally finding the drive I need to get a little closer.  

Thanks, Universe for putting me through a communication cleanse and allowing me to find my voice again. I'm excited for my new steps. Baby steps. Baby steps out the door. Baby steps into the elevator. Baby steps toward adulting and designing my own life.