Don't Get Married Unless This Is True

For a long time I was in a relationship with somebody whose qualities made me cringe. The way he handled stress, his inability to think critically, even the way he breathed drove me up a wall. I remember praying that my kids wouldn’t inherit the qualities I hated. 

We were together for six years, and I thought we were well on our way towards marriage and kids and the whole shebang. Things changed, like they tend to do, and about a year after we broke up, I received this relationship advice:

“Marry somebody you want your kids to be like.” 

It's just that simple. 

When I think about past relationships, I realize there were often things about my partner that I’d hate for my kids to inherit. The way he lied to his mother, his disinterest in learning about the world around him, the way he would belittle me when he was around his friends. If I don’t want my child to treat me the way my partner treats his parents, it is a red flag. More so, if I don’t want my child to treat me the way my partner treats me, it’s a HUGE red flag. 

I think it’s easy to overlook issues in relationships because we see so many positive aspects in other areas. I’m not saying everything has to be perfect and easy all of the time, because it definitely is not, but it is important to look at things from all angles. 

It has been almost a year since I received that advice, and I am in a healthy relationship. I can honestly say I would be lucky to have children who are just like my partner.